Saturday, January 17, 2015
Since Keke was three years old, I started to teach him pray before bedtime by having him choose from 1) Thank you Jesus 2) Sorry Jesus 3) Help me Jesus. I would ask him questions why he made the choice so that I can get a glimsp of his world. At the beginning, he would always choose Thank you Jesus for his toys such as cars, trains, and puzzles. I would then have him repeat after me when we pray. After about a month of consistently choosing Thank you Jesus, one day he chose Help me Jesus. A little caught by surprise, I asked him the reason he chose Help me Jesus. He explained it's because He wanted Jesus to help his neighbor whose a baby to walk since her walk was not very stable. When his little hands clasped together with his eyes closed, it came to my realization that the little person in front of me was growing leaps and bounds both physically and cognitively.
After a few months of choosing one item to pray about, he wanted to pray all three Thank you, Sorry and Help me Jesus. This went hand in hand when he was at a phase that he insisted on doing many things on his own. Then after a few months of saying all three prayer contents, all of a sudden he excluded Help me Jesus because apparently he did not need help. Interestingly, this also went along with his phase of Mr. All Mighty requiring no help from anyone. Everything is "I can do it by myself."
By examining Keke's prayer content, it's eye opening to see his prayers mirror his development. If this is the case, does my prayer resemble my life stage at the moment? Let's see...Well, I'd say that a big portion of my prayer was Help me Jesus. It seems that there are interminable things I need help with and also my friends'. Instead of giving thanks and honoring Him, at times I feel like God is my secretary, whom I am spying through a window from my boss room to see if He is keeping track of my agenda. The assumption that if He offer help, great. But if He choose not to help for whatever reasons, it's not ideal, but I will try to make the best out of it. After all, life goes on whether He helps me or not. The lack of dependence and trust make myself the boss of my own life, while the false security and hypocritical reliance mold me into a cardboard prayer life, boxed up and insipid. In light of this, I challenged myself to focus on Thanksgiving, in all circumstances. I found that the more I give thanks, the shorter my Help me Jesus list becomes. By giving thanks to God, good and bad, am I able to let go of my control, plans, doubts, uncertainty, hurts and regrets, which are background noise that gets in the way of me seeing God's beauty in adverse situations. In hindsight, the ability to accept the holes of my brokenness allows me to see through God's unique and perfect plan for me everyday.
Thank you Jesus.